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Corpsman turned to pot to deal with stress

OCEANSIDE, Calif. — The enemy’s bullet tore into his arm, knocking Hospital Corpsman 2nd Class William Osborn out of commission during a firefight May 4, 2009, in Afghanistan.

Just six days later, Osborn was back in action, operating as the team medic with his Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command unit and completing a seven-month deployment.

The events of that day and the totality of his combat tour weighed heavily on him well before he left Afghanistan.

“After I was shot, things obviously changed,” he said. “Psychologically, it starts taking a toll on you.”

Nights were spent tossing and turning. He became moodier. Facing near-death experiences in combat, Osborn, a single father, often thought of his three children. “A lot of rough nights that I still don’t want to talk about,” he said.

But in a spec-ops unit and community known more for its machismo, intense drive and universal strength, he felt that to tell teammates of his struggles — even men with whom he shared a tight brotherhood — would be to admit that he’s less of a man than the rest of them.

“I wasn’t going to tell my team of Marines, of special operators, that I had a depressive disorder,” he said.

So he did two things that would get him in trouble. He self-medicated with antidepressants, which he later confessed to his superiors. Then, while his case was being processed, he began smoking marijuana at home to help him sleep.

Osborn, in a telephone interview, said that while he was aware units did random drug tests, getting caught just wasn’t something that had concerned him. He said he smoked pot a few times. He just wanted some relief, and sleep.

In early March, he popped positive on a random urinalysis for the key active chemical in marijuana. For his two transgressions, he said, instead of preparing to advance to first class petty officer this year, he’s at Camp Pendleton, Calif., busted in rank to E-4 and serving his punishment of 45 days’ restriction along with loss of half his pay for four months and 45 days’ extra duty as he awaits the Navy’s decision about his administrative discharge for smoking pot and taking antidepressants.

He hopes that publicly drawing attention to his use of marijuana to treat PTSD will change the law on how the Navy and Marine Corps handle service members who struggle with ways to live with PTSD.

Osborn — who says he got the marijuana from a local friend — was well aware of the drug’s controversial use as a medicine. Across California, and in San Diego, the debate rages over legalizing pot and the medicinal uses of marijuana. The state is one of more than a dozen that permit marijuana use for strictly medical reasons, and residents can get a physician’s recommendation and obtain a state-issued card to grow or purchase medicinal marijuana at sanctioned shops. The fight over legalization will continue into the fall when California voters will decide if the state should legalize its recreational use.

Osborn got a prescription for an anti-depressant medication, but “it didn’t do anything for anxiety or for sleep,” he said. Marijuana, to him, meant certain relief. While legal for civilians to use lawfully, though, it is illegal for military service members to use. He hopes that will change.

Self-medication

But in the meantime, service members who take unprescribed medications such as antidepressants could be punished and charged under the Uniform Code of Military Justice for wrongful use of controlled substances. Some get a bye on their first offense, but others are punished or kicked out.

Osborn said he knew the consequences. As the team medic, he’s a trained special amphibious reconnaissance corpsman. He carried a sizable medical kit and first-aid knowledge that spec-ops teams expect from their corpsmen and medics.

But after the firefight, he began to struggle with memories and with anxiety, and he began to take antidepressants, which he self-prescribed. At one point, he told his team leader. His secret was out.

He thought he would get nonjudicial punishment or maybe a court-martial, but instead he then found himself facing administrative separation, and his advancement to E-6 was put on hold. But he still struggled with issues from combat.

“That’s when I was self-medicating with marijuana,” he said. “It was not a habitual thing.”

Then came the random drug test. With a positive urinalysis for marijuana, Osborn faced a losing battle and decided to accept NJP, rather than go to trial.

Going public

In early March, while on 45-day restriction, he took his story to the San Diego media, giving an interview to the ABC affiliate, 10News. It was a risky move. Stuck on base, he knew he couldn’t escape the publicity with the March 18 report. The story lit up the TV station’s Web site with dozens of comments, some offering support, and others slamming him as weak and foolish.

Someone in his unit printed out a copy of the story and tacked it onto a wall in the command post, he said, with “Harry Pothead” scrawled on top. Still, the comments stung, and at times he feels ostracized. “I knew I was going to be harassed,” he said.

“There are a lot of good men at my unit,” he added. “I’m not trying to put a black eye on their reputation, just because I don’t believe how the military handles these situations is right or just.”

But he believes the military must do more to help combat vets who are suffering the effects of traumatic tours and debilitating injuries, and mental and emotional pains. For him, relief from all those stresses and demons came with marijuana and antidepressants.

Osborn said he’s proud of his nine years of service, and he’s proud that he served with his team in combat. He hopes the chief of naval personnel will weigh his record and consider what combat veterans like him face.

“I just wanted them to look at it on a case-by-case-basis,” he said, adding, “I’m not the first case, and I’m not the last case.”

Military leaders, he said, should understand what combat veterans are experiencing before they summarily dismiss those who find ways to cope. “I don’t feel like it should be just a stock answer, just kick ’em out,” he said. “A lot of people don’t come forward ... because of how they are viewed by their command,” he added.

He admits making mistakes and questionable decisions. He should have trusted his team and admitted the problems he faced, and he now thinks that his command would have been supportive.

“They would have helped me,” he said. But back then, admitting he had a problem was tough enough. “It’s embarrassing. It’s humiliating.”

Osborn said his experiences in combat showed him that perhaps combat isn’t for everyone. “I went and I did it, and it’s not for me,” he said. “Combat is different for everybody.”