Kevlar for the Mind: Be flexible as you prepare for homecoming - Marine Corps Off Duty | health, fitness, gear, gadgets, sports, travel - Marine Corps Times

Kevlar for the Mind: Be flexible as you prepare for homecoming

Tens of thousands of service members will be returning home over the next couple of months. For most of you, preparing to come home from deployment is an exciting time. You are looking forward to reuniting with loved ones. You can’t wait to take your boat out on the lake. Or you simply dream about that first bite of steak at your favorite restaurant. It’s also a time to remember all the close relationships you developed downrange and how your life has changed for the better.

For others, preparing for the long trip home can involve considerable stress and worry. Some service members will come home to financial and relationship problems. Others will face difficult choices related to career and family.

Each homecoming is different. What’s similar is the role expectations play in the readjustment process.

You think you know what to expect and how things will be when you get back, but you are not sure. On one hand, your expectations are high. You fantasize about holding your wife on that first night back. On the other hand, you wonder if she still holds a grudge against you after the last fight on the phone. You get excited when you think about the brand new Harley you’re going to buy with all the money you saved while deployed. But, you’re convinced that your wife won’t allow it. If this is you, then your best bet is to manage your expectations. Here are a few things that can help.

Don’t wait. The first night back is not the time to discuss expectations about finances, child rearing or the relationship. Spend the last few weeks of the deployment talking with your spouse about these issues. This doesn’t mean disagreements won’t arise. It will, however, make the transition easier.

Be realistic. You have been gone a while. Things have changed. If you set your expectations too high, you are more likely to be disappointed. For example, you may be expecting to have earth-shattering and record-breaking sex with your wife on your first night back. Unfortunately, she may not be thinking the same thing, which sets the stage for disappointment and resentment right out of the gate. On the flip side, if your expectations are too low, you might hurt her feelings and unintentionally make her feel unwanted.

Adjust fire. If at first you don’t succeed … well, you know the rest. Think outside the box. Be flexible. If something doesn’t work like you thought it would, try something else. If solutions worked for us in the past, we think the same ones will work in the future. This seems like a logical approach to life, but people and situations change. So should your expectations.