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Kevlar for the Mind: Adjusting to military life takes time, effort

Regardless of age, rank or branch of service, adjusting to military life can be a challenge for most any service member. In the first few months, thoughts of wanting to give up and feelings of homesickness and loss of control over one’s life are common. Remember, others have been where you are now and made it through. Hang in there!

Q. I’m about to leave for my first assignment and I think I made a mistake in enlisting. I have no privacy and I’m always getting yelled at for small stuff. I have even thought about going AWOL. When will things get better?

A. Almost everyone who has served in the military has at some point wondered if they made the right choice. Military culture is rigid and demanding, and the environment is often punitive.

Still, most people adjust over time. The key is to be patient, flexible and willing to give up control over some areas of your life. This can be difficult at first, but once you become familiar with how the military works and start making rank, you will gain some of that control back, along with added responsibility, privacy and freedom.

Going absent without leave is always a bad idea. It only makes things worse and can easily hinder a military or civilian career. If all else fails, talk with a chaplain, a counselor or someone within your chain of command whom you trust.

Q. Ever since I got to my first unit, my squad leader has been on me about everything. When I mess up he calls me stupid and tells me how I will never amount to anything in the military. How can I get him off my back?

A. Being harassed or ridiculed by a superior is unfortunately an all too common complaint from service members. Strong and direct guidance as well as the willingness to provide corrective training and constructive criticism are key components to good leadership. Unfortunately, this is sometimes confused with demeaning and disrespectful behavior, which is unacceptable. When you signed on the dotted line, you committed to serving your superiors in a respectful manner. Likewise, those superiors are required to lead, teach and train you with the same respect. Any person who feels harassed and abused should use their chain of command or file a formal complaint through appropriate channels.

Q. I’ve been feeling homesick ever since I left for boot camp. Why am I acting like a wimp?

A. Homesickness is a sign of being human, not weakness. For many service members, boot camp or basic training is their first time away from home. It’s normal to have an adjustment period in which you miss family, friends and the old neighborhood.

The best way to combat these feelings is to make new friends. Don’t hang around the barracks all weekend. Spend time at local clubs, restaurants, parks, beaches, church or wherever you might find other people who share your interests.

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Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. E-mail kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance. Readers should see a mental health professional or physician for problems.