I, Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine, sometimes known as Darth Sidious, am proud today to present to you a National Defense Strategy so powerful, it would make Darth Plagueis the Wise shiver in his robes.
Safeguarding the Empire is of the utmost importance. Without a guiding strategy, the entire galaxy would devolve into chaos. That is what the rebel scum want, to see us all living like the savages in the Outer Rim. All the progress we’ve made, everything that has transpired, has done so according to my design.
Therefore, I will outline the tenets of my National Defense Strategy: Executive Order 66.
1. Withdrawing from the complex network of military industrial complex planets. The arms dealers on these planets have profited by unscrupulously selling weapons and spacecraft to both us and the rebel alliance, while declaring no allegiance to either side. They are loyal to nothing but currency. No more will we pay them; no more will we rely on them. Instead, I have moved to create a Galactic Military Research Laboratory to invent and field our own weaponry. Self-reliance is the key to establishing a new world order.
2. Deterring strategic attacks against a new planet killer. This has been a problem for us in the past, but we have learned from our costly mistakes. In a fiscal year a long, long time ago, we spent $192,000,000,000,000,000,000 on a Death Star vessel with an inadequate shield that was not quite operational. Our second attempt, Star Killer Base, was bigger and more expensive but had a design flaw with its thermal oscillator. On this, our third and final attempt, you will experience my full potency. In due time, I will reveal my newest iterative design and, of course, continue to be transparent about the cost overruns it will inevitably incur.
3. Building sustainable Joint Forces. Our troops are unfortunately highly expendable and incredibly finite. We need people to continue to serve as rebel cannon fodder in the form of Storm Troopers. Although in recent years, our operation to kidnap children across the galaxy and program them to be embarrassingly bad marksmen has proven successful, we will be returning to the clone trooper model for long-term life cycle and sustainability purposes.
4. Bolstering Command, Control, Communications, Computers (C4) Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance. In the ever-looming battle against the Jedi, we will continue to hunt them down, root and stem. But we can’t do it without the best intelligence. Any remaining Jedi must be uncovered and defeated. Their collaborators will suffer the same fate.
5. Ushering in the use of new technology. Through the use of Dark Side of the Force as a pathway to many abilities that some consider unnatural, we will utilize fear to make ourselves more powerful. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to UNLIMITED power.
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen. By bringing the entire galaxy under one law, one language, and the enlightened guidance of one individual, corruption will never again take root in this galaxy. A strong and growing military will ensure the rule of law. Ten thousand years of peace begins today.
Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digitial Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.