Motivated traffic? Marines shut down DC-area roadway for birthday run

A 2021 report by the transportation analytics company INRIX listed the Washington, D.C. region as the second worst city for traffic in the entire country, with commuters spending an average of 155 extra hours each year paralyzed behind the wheel.

Naturally, these congested roadways were selected as the ideal trail for an expansive formation of locally stationed Marines — led by the commandant and sergeant major of the Marine Corps — who opted to embark on a little lo-rightah-layo morning moto run in celebration of the service’s upcoming 247th birthday.

“COMING IN HOT @washingtondc & @ArlingtonVA,” Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black tweeted. “The @CMC_MarineCorps is leading us on a @USMC birthday run! Get some!”

Those not getting some included the interminable line of D.C.-bound vehicles that were held hostage behind a formation shuffling at a pace of shin-splint-miles-per-hour.

“So I was late to work this morning because y’all wanted to go on a run on a public road instead of somewhere out of the way?” one Twitter user wrote, noting the use of Richmond Highway (VA-110), a major road connecting Arlington, Virginia, and the nation’s capital. “I was enlisted for 8 years. I’m still mad they made me late for work lmao.”

Junior enlisted road guards encasing a little run (just for fun) are simply not compensated adequately enough to deal with the ferocity of D.C.-area drivers. If ever there have been Marines deserving of a meritorious citation...

Other services may dread the annual approach of November 10, but if this traffic-inducing formation is any indication, opinions of Marine Corps birthday detractors appear to matter less to its celebrants than ever before.

And rest assured, hard chargers will continue making the masses aware of the day ahead, shouting it from the halls of Montezuma to the streets of ol’ D.C.

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