Remember February 2023? It was a wild time. There were cocaine-addled bears, mushroom zombies and Air Force fighters shooting sketchy, inflatable objects out of the sky left and right.
That month began with a Chinese balloon — the U.S. said it was loaded with spy equipment; Beijing claimed it was just a weather balloon blown off course — drifting across much of the contiguous United States and igniting a furor. That was before it was blowed up real good — the technical terminology — by an F-22 off the coast of South Carolina.
But February’s bizarre occurrences didn’t stop there. U.S. pilots soon shot down three more mystery objects over Alaska, Canada’s Yukon territory and Lake Huron in as many days.
None of those subsequent objects were ever recovered, with the official line indicating they were probably hobbyist or research balloons.
But one grainy image — it’s always a grainy image, isn’t it? — of the object shot down over the Yukon has now emerged, and it’s giving significant “I want to believe” vibes.
Canada’s CTV News obtained a report from their nation’s Department of National Defence on the Feb. 11, 2023 Yukon incident, the contents of which include a brigadier general’s description of the unknown object as “cylindrical,” with a metallic top quarter and the rest of it white. It also mentions a package attached to the object by a 20-foot wire.
The report contains an unclassified image of the object, which CTV says “appears to be a photocopy of an email printout.”
Canada’s military originally planned to release the image, but a public affairs official nixed the idea to avoid stirring up more questions. But now that the image has (belatedly) arrived in the public sphere, it’s got aviation — and UFO — enthusiasts chattering.
Due to the poor resolution, it remains difficult to tell exactly what the object is. CTV noted that they’ve requested a higher resolution version. Still, the object’s circular shape, containing a gap on the left side, has sparked speculation.
In the interest of indulging outlandish hypotheses, here are a few of our in-house theories about the true identity of the Yukon object, accompanied by a validity rating system of one spy balloon (least likely) to five spy balloons (most likely).
It’s the droid control ship from ‘Star Wars: The Phantom Menace’
The Yukon object might be too small for this to be the case, but the shape looks identical to something Anakin Skywalker would love to blow up from the inside.
Remember, NORAD: Try spinning, that’s a good trick.
4/5 spy balloons
It’s the Millennium Falcon
OK, this one is a stretch, but we needed to include something from a non-Jar Jar “Star Wars” film.
The image obviously doesn’t have the side-mounted cockpit Han and Chewie used to barnstorm around the galaxy, but one can detect hints of the forward mandibles that gave their YT-1300 light freighter its iconic silhouette. If you squint hard, maybe you can see it?
1/5 spy balloons
It’s a UFO
UFO researcher and government transparency activist John Greenewald, who runs the Black Vault database, noted the similarities between the shape of the Yukon object and the subject of a video purportedly taken in Busan, South Korea, in 2012.
“The object in the [Busan] UFO video has a striking resemblance to the official photo release of the unknown object (”balloon”?) shot down over the Yukon in 2023,” Greenewald tweeted. “Coincidence? Connection? … I’m posting without endorsement, but rather, for discussion.”
3/5 spy balloons
It’s a frakking Cylon Raider!
Just look at that thing. It’s the spitting image of a Cylon Raider fighter — with its swept-forward wings — from the reimagined “Battlestar Galactica.”
We never knew fighting toasters was one of NORAD’s missions, but after seeing how they handled this one, we feel a lot better. So say we all!
5/5 spy balloons
It’s Peloton, the Roman goddess of wealthy stationary cyclists (not really)
Just look at Peloton’s logo and compare it to the unidentified object in the photo.
Is it really out of the realm of possibility that amid the mass hysteria that was 2020′s pandemic-prompted Peloton-palooza that the interconnected exercise network took tangible, sentient form and bicycled its way out of the hearts of millionaire cardio enthusiasts and into the celestial domain?
“Peloton did not wake up to be mediocre,” Peloton reportedly said.
7/5 spy balloons
It’s Pac-Man
If this is the case, with Pac-Man’s insatiable hunger and apparent new flight capabilities, God help us all.
5/5 spy balloons
Stephen Losey is the air warfare reporter for Defense News. He previously covered leadership and personnel issues at Air Force Times, and the Pentagon, special operations and air warfare at Military.com. He has traveled to the Middle East to cover U.S. Air Force operations.
J.D. Simkins is the executive editor of Military Times and Defense News, and a Marine Corps veteran of the Iraq War.
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