Military Culture

Intoxicated Marine breaks into home and cooks meal, tells alarmed homeowner to ‘go back to sleep’

Not every day does a champion emerge to match the exploits of the infamous Florida Man, but on Tuesday, Florida Marine volunteered as tribute.

Nineteen-year-old Marine Gavin Crim reportedly broke into a Dunedin, Florida, home just after 4 a.m. Tuesday, and immediately set out in hurriedly exercising his perceived right to satisfying hunger pangs at any cost.

Crim eventually was confronted by the weary homeowner, who was unsurprisingly alarmed to discover a stranger going full-blown Gordon Ramsay in his kitchen, according to a CBS 17 report.

But the considerate Marine, understanding the importance of eight hours of rest, told the owner to “go back to sleep.”

The homeowner did not comply with the inebriated REM-sleep enthusiast, responding instead by threatening to call the police, prompting Crim to make a break for a life of freedom and a partially empty belly.

The classic dine and dash.

Police discovered the hungry Crim, whose name happens to be 50 percent “criminal,” unsuccessfully hiding in a wooded, swampy area adjacent to the property.

He was subsequently arrested and booked by the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office on felony charges of burglary in an occupied dwelling, CBS reported.

Police would not specify what Crim had for dinner.

Observation Post articles reflect author observations or attempts at humor. Any resemblance to news may be purely coincidental.

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